So I feel like I hold back many of my opinionated thoughts on Facebook because I know for a fact that many would disagree and I don’t (usually) like to stir up controversy when it’s obvious everyone has different opinions. For example, I usually don’t broadcast my opinions about politics, religion, abortion, etc. because I know we all have the right to our own opinions and I don’t want to upset people that I care about. And even so, my opinions on certain topics have changed over the years and are not one size fits all and apply to all situations. However, last night, I posted an opinionated comment in a private mommy Facebook group after being a little fed up with something. It was in regards to breast feeding and this evolutionary parenting philosophy. Well, let me tell you, did those people let me have it!!
There was a prior post that a girl posted asking how she should transition her 10 month old from breast feeding to formula without feeling guilty. All people did was rant and rave on her post about how she shouldn’t stop and gave her all these things/ideas/ways to do to keep going – on and on they went. I simply commented, “Do what you want and don’t feel guilty. My kids are formula fed and they are just fine.” They were well intended comments from the others, but I just felt like they were all so biased and not answering the question she was asking.
Welllllll, that got me all fired up so I created a new post to simply vent that I was offended by the majority of people within this group ridiculing people for not breast feeding or deciding when they think an appropriate time is for others to stop. I then decided to throw in a sentence about an ex-coworker of mine whose wife breast fed their 6-7 year old (yes, years) and that they all slept in the same bed as a family (4 children) – this is known as “co-sleeping” or a “family bed”. First, I am not educated in this area, nor do I care to be. I am purposefully posting this on my blog and not facebook because I don’t care to hear anyone’s ridicule or educational tone about me not knowing what I’m talking about (especially after the earful I heard last night). But, anyway, hello?!?!?!……. does this not remind you of “Willy Wanka and the Chocolate Factory” when the whole family, grandparents and all, got all cozied up together in their nightgowns and nightcaps all sleeping in the same room? I remember that scene vividly and thought it was weird but knew it was because they were poor and only had one room. I was intending to be witty about it but oh the number of people that blasted me and took my statement way out of its intended context!
Putting the “co-sleeping” and “family bed” aside for a minute (because I find it perfectly fine for your child to sleep with you if they are scared, sick, crying, young, etc.) – I was only referring to the Willy Wanka style idea that seems to have gotten some momentum among these attachment parenting enthusiasts that have their whole families sleeping in the same bed well past their youth. One girl commented that her 15 year old son still slept with them and that he was very popular in school. Um, I’m not sure I get your point lady, but to each their own – hello weirdo though in my opinion.
Another girl said it was selfish of me and others to choose not to breastfeed and that we should find any possible means to breast feed because “it is a FACT that breastfeeding is better” – she kept saying FACT over and over again and then added that you should find a way to breast feed even if you are not able (e.g., if you adopted, which I had mentioned in my post). I obviously understand the facts about breast feeding and its benefits (who doesn’t). All I was saying was that those people that are so glued to it, should give people a break if others can’t (like me) or choose not to for whatever reason they decide (e.g., they tried and felt exhausted, they were too tired, the baby wouldn’t latch, they were in pain, they worked full time and didn’t like pumping, whatever). But everyone completely flipped their lid on me – I seriously felt like I got jumped on facebook. Every 30 seconds a new notification would pop up from another woman blasting me.
One suggested that since we adopted, I should hire someone to pump and give me their breast milk. She then said her friend does this and actually has 7, yes 7, different mothers that pump and provide breast milk to their adopted children. Not only is that gross, weird, and probably never something the FDA would approve, it just shows how people have SUCH differing opinions on the subject – that would have NEVER even crossed my mind – call me selfish I guess – I think it means I’m logical, and not a complete weirdo. Who wants 7 random women’s bodily fluids in their fridge and fed to their baby? Ok, I am trying to be a little humorous here, so don’t jump all over me and suggest that I think breast milk is a nasty bodily fluid, but come on people, who does this?!
I was obviously outnumbered on the feed. It got so heated so fast that the Admin of the group was called in to delete the string. However for the record, I must add that she messaged me privately and said she agreed with me and that it was my choice to have it taken down. I told her to delete it because by that point I was in tears. These women were just cruel.
I have since left this mommy group and will never join such a group again. I obviously don’t fit in and am too outspoken for my own good sometimes. I wanted to vent this though on my blog though, because it really upset me last night and still has me fired up. I will also add that there were TONS of people on my side that privately messaged me about them agreeing with me and not to be worried about all the blasphemous comments people were posting against me. They knew the audience of this group better than I did and opted not to say anything directly on the post in fear of retaliation/ridicule. For those of you who are my friends reading this and offended, I am sorry. If you are into this “family bed” thing, I am NOT saying I think it’s inappropriate to sleep with your children. I was just making a joke about the Willy Wanka bed and making a statement that at some point, there has to be some separation or drawing of the line somewhere. Same things goes for breast feeding. In my humble, uneducated opinion, I think 6 is pushing it. Correction – 6 YEARS! Not 6 months. Seriously people. Really? This should be a law.