Just a Random Vent

So I feel like I hold back many of my opinionated thoughts on Facebook because I know for a fact that many would disagree and I don’t (usually) like to stir up controversy when it’s obvious everyone has different opinions. For example, I usually don’t broadcast my opinions about politics, religion, abortion, etc. because I know we all have the right to our own opinions and I don’t want to upset people that I care about. And even so, my opinions on certain topics have changed over the years and are not one size fits all and apply to all situations. However, last night, I posted an opinionated comment in a private mommy Facebook group after being a little fed up with something. It was in regards to breast feeding and this evolutionary parenting philosophy. Well, let me tell you, did those people let me have it!!

There was a prior post that a girl posted asking how she should transition her 10 month old from breast feeding to formula without feeling guilty. All people did was rant and rave on her post about how she shouldn’t stop and gave her all these things/ideas/ways to do to keep going – on and on they went. I simply commented, “Do what you want and don’t feel guilty. My kids are formula fed and they are just fine.” They were well intended comments from the others, but I just felt like they were all so biased and not answering the question she was asking.

Welllllll, that got me all fired up so I created a new post to simply vent that I was offended by the majority of people within this group ridiculing people for not breast feeding or deciding when they think an appropriate time is for others to stop. I then decided to throw in a sentence about an ex-coworker of mine whose wife breast fed their 6-7 year old (yes, years) and that they all slept in the same bed as a family (4 children) – this is known as “co-sleeping” or a “family bed”. First, I am not educated in this area, nor do I care to be. I am purposefully posting this on my blog and not facebook because I don’t care to hear anyone’s ridicule or educational tone about me not knowing what I’m talking about (especially after the earful I heard last night). But, anyway, hello?!?!?!……. does this not remind you of “Willy Wanka and the Chocolate Factory” when the whole family, grandparents and all, got all cozied up together in their nightgowns and nightcaps all sleeping in the same room? I remember that scene vividly and thought it was weird but knew it was because they were poor and only had one room. I was intending to be witty about it but oh the number of people that blasted me and took my statement way out of its intended context!

Putting the “co-sleeping” and “family bed” aside for a minute (because I find it perfectly fine for your child to sleep with you if they are scared, sick, crying, young, etc.) – I was only referring to the Willy Wanka style idea that seems to have gotten some momentum among these attachment parenting enthusiasts that have their whole families sleeping in the same bed well past their youth. One girl commented that her 15 year old son still slept with them and that he was very popular in school. Um, I’m not sure I get your point lady, but to each their own – hello weirdo though in my opinion.

Another girl said it was selfish of me and others to choose not to breastfeed and that we should find any possible means to breast feed because “it is a FACT that breastfeeding is better” – she kept saying FACT over and over again and then added that you should find a way to breast feed even if you are not able (e.g., if you adopted, which I had mentioned in my post). I obviously understand the facts about breast feeding and its benefits (who doesn’t). All I was saying was that those people that are so glued to it, should give people a break if others can’t (like me) or choose not to for whatever reason they decide (e.g., they tried and felt exhausted, they were too tired, the baby wouldn’t latch, they were in pain, they worked full time and didn’t like pumping, whatever). But everyone completely flipped their lid on me – I seriously felt like I got jumped on facebook. Every 30 seconds a new notification would pop up from another woman blasting me.

One suggested that since we adopted, I should hire someone to pump and give me their breast milk. She then said her friend does this and actually has 7, yes 7, different mothers that pump and provide breast milk to their adopted children. Not only is that gross, weird, and probably never something the FDA would approve, it just shows how people have SUCH differing opinions on the subject – that would have NEVER even crossed my mind – call me selfish I guess – I think it means I’m logical, and not a complete weirdo. Who wants 7 random women’s bodily fluids in their fridge and fed to their baby? Ok, I am trying to be a little humorous here, so don’t jump all over me and suggest that I think breast milk is a nasty bodily fluid, but come on people, who does this?!

I was obviously outnumbered on the feed. It got so heated so fast that the Admin of the group was called in to delete the string. However for the record, I must add that she messaged me privately and said she agreed with me and that it was my choice to have it taken down. I told her to delete it because by that point I was in tears. These women were just cruel.

I have since left this mommy group and will never join such a group again. I obviously don’t fit in and am too outspoken for my own good sometimes. I wanted to vent this though on my blog though, because it really upset me last night and still has me fired up. I will also add that there were TONS of people on my side that privately messaged me about them agreeing with me and not to be worried about all the blasphemous comments people were posting against me. They knew the audience of this group better than I did and opted not to say anything directly on the post in fear of retaliation/ridicule. For those of you who are my friends reading this and offended, I am sorry. If you are into this “family bed” thing, I am NOT saying I think it’s inappropriate to sleep with your children. I was just making a joke about the Willy Wanka bed and making a statement that at some point, there has to be some separation or drawing of the line somewhere. Same things goes for breast feeding. In my humble, uneducated opinion, I think 6 is pushing it. Correction – 6 YEARS! Not 6 months. Seriously people. Really? This should be a law.

4 Responses to “Just a Random Vent”

  1. Tiffany Barnes Says:

    Man!!! They would hate me! My Carson was formula fed becau

  2. Natalie Says:

    Well said Danielle!!! I am right there with you on all these things! I personally read the thread (you know that Danielle) and was astonished at the way these women were coming at my sister. I immediately texted her seeing if she needed to talk. I too am going to leave the group. I love you Danielle and love how you speak your mind and tell it like it is. That group is seriously full of a bunch of wackos in my opinion. All their abbreviations for things, their obsession with exclusively breast feeding (EBF), asking questions to a bunch of strangers that clearly need to be asked to a doctor. The list goes on..And I felt this way before this all happened last night..now even more. And yes 6 is definitely pushing and insanely creepy!!! Oh and “creepy” was the word of the night. geez louise, take a chill pill people!

  3. Effie Says:

    I”m sorry I didn’t see the thread so I could’ve come back and defend you. Even a friend of mine mentioned to me how mean those girls were to you and how uncalled for it was. Breast fed or formula fed, they ALL turn out to be ok. I”m glad I was able to give you any support you need or may ever need. I’m also glad to know that you adopted your LO because we are looking to do that with our second because of everything that happened with our first. OH the reference to Willy Wonka got me laughing as family sleeping reminds me of that as well. Glad to have met you and I look forward to talking with you more.

  4. Laura Renegar Says:

    I started to read this the other day on my iphone and decided to stop and read it on my laptop and give it the attention and focus it deserved. I cannot believe these “lactating” women are still so cruel and horrific. I CHOSE not to breastfeed my children 24 and 21 years ago and people criticized me way back then. I had a “lovely” sister in law who would constantly tell her son to stay away from Morgan’s bottles (in front of Morgan my daughter) because they were poison. WWHHAATT? She would tell me that my daughter and I would never be close like she and her son because I chose the wrong way of mothering. Again – WWHHAATT??? She was a lunatic – and by the way – she still is a lunatic. I didn’t want to breastfeed my babies. Not for selfish reasons. Not to be horrible. Not to support the formula companies. I chose not to because that is what I felt comfortable doing. Are my children damaged? No. Are they out doing drugs, stealing stuff, and heethins? No. Are they distant from me – angry with me – hateful or mean people? No. If breastfeeding was such a perfect and emotional bond for a mom and baby why was my nephew always rooting around on my neck and chest looking for a nipple when he was 7 months old and my daughter was eating food? After all, wasn’t his bond with his mother the be all end all bond of all bonds? I guess not. The kid even rooted around on my Dad. Come on now. I am glad you got off the MOMMY DEAREST board. You are wayyy too good for those freaks. Love you!


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